Taking a special look at Vintage Vixens: Horror Edition and Erotic Horror for Horny Housewives. And, again, yes, I know, as a contributor I’m not supposed to, but, tough. My stories in each are kind of the weird outliers anyway, and I wasn’t planning to focus on those (though I do hope readers found them entertaining). Anyway, moving on!
What a time to be alive and what a world to be living in, when not one but TWO anthologies of housewife horror hit the shelves almost simultaneously! Featuring the work of several of the top ladies in the field, both of these books are chock-full of stories sure to unnerve, upset, titillate, chill, and any combination thereof.
I bet, I freakin’ BET, there are men-type folks out there who won’t even pick one of these books up, let alone read it, for some stupid reason like they think women can’t write horror, or their precious male egos could never be seen reading something written by a chick, or whatever other weaksauce excuses they fling around.
And you know what? That’s probably just as well, because if they actually did get an eyeful of some of these stories, these gloves-off stories where many a lady has had MORE than enough bullshit from the men in her life, those comfy little delusions about “the gentler sex” would get it right in the neck. Or lower.
Of course, fellas, you want to prove me wrong, feel free and please do, Read these stories. Read them. Sample a few tastes of what really goes on in our heads. I dare you.
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Title: Vintage Vixens: Horror Edition
Curator: Lisa Vasquez
Publisher: Stitched Smile Publications
Website: https://www.stitchedsmilepublications.com/
Welcome to a bygone era of bread-winners and home-makers, where men are real men and women are real women, everything’s perfect and happy and hunky-dory, and the American Dream is a dream come true.
Yeah, right. Maybe in Pleasantville. Maybe in Stepford. Maybe in the nostalgic delusions of generations past. Maybe through the rose-tinted glasses of desperately trying to rewrite history so as not to have to face up to the often-unpleasant truths.
Curator Liza Vasquez, and editor Lisa Lee Tone (Team Lisa, let’s say) have gathered nine stories by nine exceptional female authors to strip away some of that shiny 1950s idealistic veneer for a look underneath. The introduction alone does a great job presenting the facts of the matter, what a woman’s situation really was, and what (how much and how little) has changed since then.
We begin with “Twisted Angel” by Cassandra Jones, in which a dutiful wife frets away over every minuscule detail while facing constant criticism and abuse … but everyone has their breaking point, as her husband is about to find out.
“No Place For a Man” by Megan Stockton invites us to a nice little book club get-together, where the young neighborhood newcomer finds herself caught in a sinister agreement she’s not so sure she wants to go through with.
In “Lucy Deserves the Finer Things,” Angelique Fawns steps a bit outside the suburban box, as an aging spinster no longer so able to attract sugar-daddies decides to respond to an ad for a ‘paid female companion’ and quickly realizes it’s no normal job.
Candace Nola’s “Wishbone” brings us home for the holidays, when the pressure is on for a wife whose husband expects her to do all the work of preparing and serving the big meal, while he sits back and plays gracious host and takes all the credit.
“How Things Are Done Here in Harmony Heights” … when I was a kid, that scene in A Winkle in Time with all the identical houses freaked me the heck out, and still does to this day.
“Family Traits” by Chantell Renee is all 4th of July summer fun with fireworks and backyard barbecues, or would be if someone hadn’t married into the wrong family and realizes she’ll have to take drastic action before it’s too late.
Caitlin Marceau’s “Blueberry Buckle” speaks to every wife who’s ever been expected to live up to the exacting culinary standards of how his mother or grandmother always made it, and to pass the traditional recipe along to the next generation.
“Bait” by Miracle Austin dives into the classic teen 50’s tropes of sock hops, bubble gum, poodle skirts, black leather jackets, and pompadours, and shows us that those high school romances didn’t always lead to happy endings.
Finishing things off is Rebecca Evanesky’s “A Woman’s World,” taking us out of the kitchen and into the workplace, where the ladies at the office want payback against their chauvanistic bosses; ‘9-to-5’ may have been a comedy, but this is much more satisfying!
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Title: Erotic Horror for Horny Housewives
Curator: Edward Lee
Publisher: Evil Cookie Publishing
Website: http://www.theevilcookie.com
When the one and only Edward Lee hand-picks a bevy of female writers from among the genre’s best, to contribute to an anthology like this, you just KNOW the result is going to be a steamy smorgasbord of sick and sordid goodness. And, lemme tell ya, it does NOT disappoint.
Lemme also tell ya, some of the names he was able to sweet-talk into this? I could hardly believe my eyes. The noises I made? Scared the cats, those noises.
The book opens with intros by Mothers of Mayhem podcast co-hosts Marian Echevarria and Christina Pfeiffer, and a preface by Lee himself about how the project grew from notion to naughty completion.
BTW yes, one of the story’s is also Lee’s, because even though editors aren’t technically supposed to, who’s gonna get on his case about it? This is EDWARD-Freakin’-LEE here, people. The story in question is “Vltava Clay,” which delves into Jewish folklore/history with the creation of an object that then delves into something else (wink wink nudge nudge), and includes a line that makes me laugh in a way that also scares the cats every time I see it.
As for the others, there are nine stories in total, most of which are modern-ish day (though someone just had to go and turn in a whole dang novelette of a smutted-up Arthurian legend called “Knight After Knight”), and, as per the initial instructions, do not skimp on the erotic, the horror, or the horny housewives.
C.V. Hunt’s “Pink Noise” speaks to anyone who’s had to deal with the sleep-disturbing annoyance of a snoring spouse (with bonus points for those maddening menopausal symptoms!), though the latest miracle treatment may have some rather unusual side effects.
“Shedding,” by Karolina ‘Mangusta’ Kaczkowska, opens with a pucker-inducing scene detailing why curling irons have ‘for external use only’ labels, and keeps right on going, as two women seek to resolve (and avenge) wrongs from their past.
Jacqueline Mitchell’s “Until Death” puts those marriage vows to the test when a dissatisfied and disgruntled wife befriends a new neighbor with a few occult tricks up her sleeve, helping make her fantasies come true.
“Flora and Venus,” by Candace Nola, is for all the green-thumb gardeners out there who really, and I mean REALLY, love their plants … especially the huge exotic flytrap with a taste for more than blood; even Audrey II might blush!
If the title alone of Bridgett Nelson’s “Burp the Worm” strikes you as all squicky and icky and gross, then, rest assured, the actual story — in which a guy thinks he’s struck extra lucky on a Tinder hookup — goes there and then some!
“Nothing is Written in Stone” marks extreme horror queen Monica J. O’Rourke’s return after too long a hiatus, with a wife whose plans for husband number eight hit something of a snag when he escapes from the attic and wants a little payback.
Then cosmic horror queen Mary SanGiovanni steps up with “Avatarium,” a little mystery miracle elixir meant to rejuvenate, reinvigorate, spice up the stale ol’ love life, and help people become who they were always meant to be.
Closing it out is Lucy Taylor’s “Death Bed Sex,” a cautionary tale about making with the kinky shenanigans in a house previously owned by a notorious celebrity who may have died there but may or may not be all the way gone.
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Christine Morgan's World of Words 